The events of this past week have all of us pondering deep questions about ourselves, society and the collective consciousness concerning sexual abuse. The blow up surrounding Harvey Weinstein set a whole chain of events in motion. There are many perspectives I could delve into from my personal one, to the feminine or masculine collective, to that of society in general. The only one I can honestly address is the question that popped up for me personally.
Why was I not drawn to join the “#Me Too” movement on fb/twitter?
I too had stories to tell, just as so many other women have. Notice I said “had” because none of those stories are active or vital for me anymore. That doesn’t make them any less real or excuse anyone’s behavior. It simply means I have done a lot of inner healing and my old stories no longer impact me so I chose to let them go a long time ago.
Because I was not pinged by these stories, i.e., emotionally upset, I could have shared my story from that aspect. From a spiritual or psychological aspect of how I no longer carry this anger, how I’ve healed this wound within me. Perhaps that would inspire or help other women to heal within themselves and honor themselves with self love and appreciation.
I am humbled by the outpouring of men who are embarrassed and apologizing for men in general. I could have written about my gratitude for their supportive words and actions.
But I was not drawn to actively engage, nor repelled into silence. Although I have immense compassion for the men and women who have been sharing their stories and those who are still not comfortable enough to speak the words, I have been watching it unfold as a neutral observer, emotionally unaffected by it. So again I ask, “Why is that?” This morning I awoke with a very clear answer to my question.
I am not drawn to engage in this public movement because I am not emotionally affected by it. Coming from a pure heart, I do not see victims and perpetrators. I see human beings playing out their stories. Stories that have been stored in the human mind matrix for eons of time.
Notice the similarity of these two words: Stories…. stored.
Stories are our own perceptions of events that have emotionally impacted us. There are many things we’ve experienced in life that did not get stored in our mind matrix. We experienced them in the moment and they simply passed on through. For instance, do you remember anything eventful about your last drive to the grocery store ? Unless something emotional happened it was basically a non-event , no story. It’s only our emotional experiences that are stored in the human mind matrix. They can be happy, sad, anger, grief, shame, or any number of emotions that stored these stories in our mind matrix. In addition, these emotions are also stored in our physical bodies, stimulating a chemical reaction interpreted as pain. I can attest to this as a physical therapist. How often I have worked with patients whose trauma/stories were released once the emotional pain was released from the physical body.
I have come to realize that emotions are the link between the unconscious and the conscious mind. When an emotion is pinged by a present event, the mind matrix acts very similar to AI (artificial intelligence) and pulls up all the unconscious stories that relate to that emotion.
At this point we have a choice. We can play out the old stories by pointing fingers at others to substantiate ourselves and continually add to the emotional clusterfuck. This what we have become accustomed to doing until the mind matrix goes into overdrive and we become emotionally overwhelmed either throwing us into depression/unconsciousness, acting out in a violent way, or eventually bursting us free by saying “Enough!”.
Once we’ve screamed “Enough!”, we think we need to dig into all our fears and shadow stuff, poke around and process all the details. But what if we could simply remove all dissonant vibrations from our energy field without going through the mind matrix? Why not release it emotionally without getting caught in the quagmires of the mind? What does that mean? It means I don’t need to know the details, what it is, where it came from, who did what to whom, or how to overcome it. Source doesn’t care about those things, why do we? Isn’t it time we learn to trust our Self enough to drop the protective walls constructed by our mind to see ourselves as whole and perfect, just as Source does?
When we are conscious with our emotions rather than the stories, we’re able to accept responsibly (= ability to respond) for our prior actions, without blame to ourselves or any others, in the same way Source sees us. Remembering we did the best we could in each situation, there is no need for blame. This dissolves the charge of the emotion and the story dissolves along with it. Each time we do this, more of the mind matrix unravels. As simple as this sounds, and it is simple, it does require vigilance so as not to retreat into our old patterns. The more often we do this, the more unconscious stories dissolve from the mind matrix until there are no longer any errant stories to draw upon.
This allows us to live in the moment, free of unconscious stories, free of the human mind matrix, free of the collective consciousness. We are now free to draw upon the wisdom of Divine Intelligence, instead of AI (artificial intelligence).
I realize this is why I was not drawn to engage in the “Me Too” movement. This is an aspect of my life in which I have freed my self of the emotional ping. And yes, I could get up on a soapbox and campaign with other women and men. Silence is not the answer for it only empowers the unconscious. Indeed it is important to shine the spotlight on this part of the human mind matrix by bringing it into the consciousness so these emotions/stories can be healed. It’s important to bear witness. But it does not feel empowering for me to re-engage in a story that is no longer mine. It feels more empowering and uplifting to hold this sacred space where suffering and abuse can be transformed by sharing my awareness as an avenue of healing that can be useful not only for these atrocities but for all emotional trauma.
When we are willing to consciously acknowledge and respond to raw emotion with love and grace, rather than the stories that have been stored, we empower ourselves to dissolve the old human matrix that has held us captive for eons of time. In this way we’re no longer engaged in AI. Instead, we’re engaged with the heart, which is the cauldron of Divine wisdom and creativity. We’re able to let go of what has been and embrace the new from which we can create a world that is more loving and gracious to live in relationship with all of humanity.
~Sharon Lyn Shepard~
“message from my inner wisdom”
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