Last year at this time I had one of the most lucid and profound dreams I’ve ever experienced. During this dream, a former lover from many years ago was walking toward me. I could feel an abundance of love coming from him. The closer he got to me the more love I was feeling. At some point I realized this love was not coming from him. He was simply the reflection of my love for my self. As he continued walking toward me this love became so overwhelming fear burst forth from within me. Fear that it would overpower and kill me. I wanted to scream out, “Stop! I can’t take anymore.” But the words would not come. From somewhere beyond this fear I knew I needed to simply allow it to engulf me. The only thing I could do was surrender to this overwhelming, overpowering destructive force of love. Once I released all resistance, I did indeed die.
I melted into a puddle on the floor. He who had appeared as my old lover disappeared. I was naked and alone in an empty abyss. The old me had died. Everything that was not of love had been obliterated and died along with me.
And then little pin points of light began to appear all around me, creating a mandala of sorts. The pattens kept changing, much like a kaleidoscope. Some of these pieces were glowing from within. Others were rather dense and murky, gaining clarity as they were drawn toward me from out of the darkness. I observed with fascination as this process continued, until I realized these were all aspects of me, pieces of me. Many of them had been hidden in the shadows, tossed away by my prior judgements. Others had been locked within walls that were now instantaneously melting from the Love radiating from within me. I watched as all of me, all of my aspects gathered together into wholeness once again dancing in beautiful patterns of radiant color and light. At this point I fell into a very deep sleep and slept for many hours.
When I finally awoke, life looked and felt very different to me. This was not a dream. This was the realization of my Self as the purity of Divine Love and the acceptance of all of Who I Am, as my Soul knows me to be. I could not have orchestrated or thought this into being with my mind, even from within a meditative state. I could only do this from an expanded state of consciousness. Therefore my Soul gifted me with this lucid dream. The gift of knowing that I Am Love and all the aspects of me are loved and honored without any judgement. This knowing that it’s safe for All of me to come home, to share the experiences that life has offered me, all the stories, all the pain, all the joys. Each one a facet of the Love and radiance of Who I Am.
Now here I am a year later and what a year it has been!!!
All these pesky aspects that have been awakened or released from their walled in prisons have been elbowing their way into my heart to be enveloped in Love. Some of them have been an absolute joy to embrace. Others, I cringe to say, have pulled me into their own darkness before I was able to see clearly by the spark of Love that was always present. The gift of Divine Love is that I have surrendered the fight. My arms are always wide open no matter what presents, or how it presents. Love always knows what to do. Therefore I simply surrender it all to Love and allow it to sort itself out without the need to defend or interfere.
This has been a time for diving deeply into realizing more of my Self and integrating this new expanded awareness. Nothing else matters to me anymore. It’s as if it doesn’t exist. A few days ago I tried reading a story someone wrote about her spiritual journey. In the past this would have been very engaging to me but it now feels very old and boring. That’s how my old stories feel to me as well. I have no interest in them or in the mainstream world that is no longer my reality.
A few days ago I asked myself: What do I want to do now that I have this new awareness? What reality do I choose to create? Today this question feels unimportant to me. It feels like it was coming from my human restlessness. How much of that restlessness is the human’s need to feel worthy of itself? My current perception of Love has quelled that question. Quite frankly I have no desire to “do” anything. I am simply basking in this new realization of who I Am. I don’t know what my life will look like from a human perspective and I feel no hurry to take any action in that direction yet.
This morning feels very quiet, free of any external noise, free of any thoughts. I’m feeling the deep contentment of “I Exist, I Am, I Am Here.” I’m sensing my human aspects and my Soul embracing this new passion with and for each other. I feel no desire to take any action right now, no desire to “do” anything. Instead, I’m feeling drawn to savor this relationship, to go more deeply into this passion and expand upon it.
While reading the book “Act of Consciousness” by Adamus Saint-Germain through Geoffrey & Linda Hoppe, I came upon a passage that clarified things for me. “The divine distills every experience into wisdom.” Taking the liberty to paraphrase it further: The soul wants to experience just for the sake of experiencing. It doesn’t need to validate itself for it is already complete in the knowing that it exists. The soul takes everything the human experiences, distills it into its pure wisdom, drinks that in and falls more deeply in love with itself, again and again and again with every new experience.
Last year at this time when I had what I call my Enlightenment Dream, I realized “I Am Love.” I thought that was the ultimate sense of loving one’s self. Indeed, that was true at the time and. . . I have continued loving my self more and more and more. This is an ongoing expansion of Love, a love affair between the human and the Soul. This is the true relationship I have always been searching for.
I sometimes think I would like a partner. Then I realize I really don’t want to live with anyone else right now. I thought I did, but that was my old dream of home and family which I’ve already experienced in this lifetime. My ultimate desire is a relationship with my Self. I was thinking how nice it would be to share my experiences with someone or to offer my love through my actions with another.
In many ways I am already doing this. Isn’t that what my daily journaling is? Conversations with my Soul. Conversations with my I Am. Conversations with the different aspects of my Self, the aspects I have created to experience more of who I Am. What I am doing now is embracing all of my self into wholeness once again, consciously distilling all the stories into their wisdom and loving my self again and again and again.
Indeed, the Soul has already done this. But my human self has only recently become aware of this. Through the grace of my Soul, there is nothing that needs to be done, no searching, no processing. Simply allowing these aspects to present themselves, to come out of the human shadows to be loved and accepted, just as the Soul has already done. Like the prodigal’s daughter returning home, this is a sweet experience. It need not be difficult. It need not take any effort. I realize, the more I sit quietly gazing out into nature, allowing the space for this to happen, the more effortless it becomes. Ease and Grace has become my way of being and Love is Who I Am.
After so much struggle in my life, how simple and easy this feels to me now. How satisfying. How fulfilling. How empty I feel of the stories and the human yearnings. And how full I feel of my Self. Enlightened Embodiment. This is what it is. Embodying All of Who I Am, here and now in this physical body. Human and Divine in sweet delicious consciousness.
~Sharon Lyn Shepard~
“message from my inner wisdom”
Gratitude for the Artwork: Tree Spirits by Liza Paizis
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